This ones going to be a bit uncomfortable to talk about….but I know I’m not the only one that struggles with this.
It all started when I was a teen (probably 14?), and I was having so many indescribable pains that I thought were just period pains. I went to doctor after doctor telling them how much pain I was in, but the only answer I ever got was, “We can’t find anything wrong with you.” No cysts, no nothing. It was honestly devastating to keep hearing this because I knew there was a reason for my pain, but I wrote it off as period pains.
Years went by, and I was still in a lot of pain that was undiagnosed. I remember being 24 years old, and the doctor putting her hand on my knee saying, “I’m sorry Christina, but I can’t find anything wrong with you. You’re healthy.” It was affecting me in every possible way. I hardly lived my life because of it. Have you ever lived your life where you only did what was necessary? Like clean yourself up, go to work/school, come home, eat, and then bed? That was me. I had nothing left in me.
Don’t get me wrong, I had good days, too, but it felt like I had more bad days than good.
January of 2020 rolled around, and I was in more pain than I’ve ever been in. I would wake up every 30 minutes – 1 hour crying and wishing it would go away. I was missing school, I was so tired from the pain…. This went on for 8 weeks straight with zero relief so I sought out a new doctor.
She told me about endometriosis, and how I have all of the symptoms. It runs in my family so I wasn’t too surprised. She encouraged me to start a medication that essentially suppresses my hormones (endometriosis is an estrogen dominant condition). By suppressing my hormones, it helps stop the growth of my disease.
A lot of emotions came up….anger, upset, denial, uncertain…
Instead of going the medication route, I researched ways to help with the pain. I found that omega-3 helped with the inflammation, seed cycling, and a supplement that puts female hormones back in check. With me having high estrogen, I wanted something to lower it with a natural remedy. I was adherent to this for 3 months, but I didn’t get a lot of relief.
If you have endometriosis, you probably know of all the emotions that goes with it. Pain, possible infertility, high hormones that make you feel crazy, and so much more. I was TIRED. Oh and the endo belly? Ugh that’s just the cherry on top. 9 times out of 10 I was wearing pants that were bigger because I never knew when I would have a flare up. Not only did it affect me in those ways, but I wasn’t able to go to the gym as often as I wanted. If you know me, you know that this was my way to escape reality…
Here I was back in the doctors office to talk more about my options. It was either surgery or the medication that she recommended 3 months back. I didn’t want to jump straight into surgery so I opted for the medication. I took the lowest dose for 3 months. The first 2 months were AMAZING. I literally felt like a new person. I mean I was pain free (for the most part) and able to live my life! The 3rd month….not so much. The pain was back. I kept asking myself, “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?”
I’ve let this disease define me, and I’m still struggling to this day to separate my self from this nightmare of a problem.
And the thought of possible infertility has pretty much paralyzed me. Getting asked when my husband and I are going to have kids was like a stab in the heart. It’s something I struggle with most days, but I try to stay as positive as I can.
If you’re struggling with endometriosis, I’m here if you want to talk. It’s really helpful to find people who have struggled with the same disease because it helps you know that you aren’t alone.
Until next time…
I have a
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